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#1: I don't have any money. If I could collect enough of these "dollars" as you call them together, there would be a lot of them, and things would be easier to buy. #2: This site is completely free of dumb, bespectacled camwhores who act like sitting in front of a computer and looking bored is reason for you to send them money. #3: My shit breaks down now and again, or I need a new piece of software that costs more than a diamond the size of a deer turd. Like a thousand bucks! WTFLOL?!?1! #4: I tend to toss in plugs for people I like. Or references to their sites and stuff. Or their names. And people who donate money... I tend to like them most of the time. #5: If you spent some time enjoying the site, think of the dollar as some sort of insulting, below-minimum wage underpayment. Pretend you're an impotent, a-hole boss! #6: Mo' money means mo' time to devote to the site, which means I'll finally get to that kitten photo gallery I've been planning. You wouldn't BELIEVE how many kitten pictures I've accrued in a few short years. It's just fucked. #7: BECAUSE MIKE THE POD LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER LOVE YOURSELF. And he only hits you sometimes to show how MUCH he loves you. So much IT HURTS! #8: If you include your address with your donation, you just might get some cool free stuff now and again. Yeah- like on the 12TH OF NEVER! Just kidding. I am somewhat lazy however. #9: Because it's easy as shit to donate, plus it's all secure and legal through PayPal. If you're also lazy like me, and can't be bothered to scroll back up, here's a lame magic trick! #10: Tipping is NOT a city in China. It supposedly really isn't. You see this phrase in a lot of overpriced coffee houses. I need money more than them. There's no escaping the fact that keeping up a website costs moolah. So we're giving you the opportunity to defray those costs by one dollar. Hey, if you liked what you saw here, and you want to see more, then why not toss us a little change? You'll be glad you did, and Baby Jesus will hit a home run for the little crippled kids. Dad will quit drinking, for good this time, and Mom won't bottle up her anger about the cage her life has become. Junior will ignore the kids at school who try to pressure him into buying drugs. Big Sister will stop seeing that no-good boy with the motorcycle and the bass guitar and the weird sore on his penis. And Auntie will say to hell with those idiot doctors; she's going to walk again. Unless you decide NOT to donate. Now Auntie's little more than a shit-and-piss factory in a hospital that reeks of bedpan disinfectant and the nurses steal her candy. Big Sister showed up at church last Sunday with a nasty shiner and a fat herpes sore on her upper lip that she tried in vain to hide with a pink turtleneck sweater, which only drew more attention to it. Junior turned his bedroom into a "meth lab", which exploded; he burned to death clutching his SAT scores (1500), while the family labrador ran panicked and ablaze from neighbors attempting to extinguish him (presumably he is dead somewhere). After Mom shanked Dad with a corkscrew to the spine, he smashed an empty bottle of whiskey into her forehead. Baby Jesus whiffed the homer, and flung his bat into the stands in a rage, killing every crippled child in the entire universe. Then absolutely everything explodes. There's nothing left but flakes of atomized dog shit that seem to get everywhere. All because you DIDN'T donate. Don't let it happen. Make the right decision. And for crying out loud, it's only a dollar! |
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