I'm not even sure it should exist. All I know is that roughly twenty seconds into the film's relatively lean running time, I started laughing. And then I couldn't stop. Around halfway through the film I pondered whether I needed to leave, since my lower abdomen was in a pretzel knot from laughing so hard. The last film I almost left midway because I wasn't sure I could physically take any more was Saving Private Ryan. And, in terms of sheer, over-the-top extremity, I think Jackass: The Movie is akin to that film. Let's call it Shoving A Toy Car Up Ryan's Ass.

There are things in this film that I had to see twice to truly believe. Actually, I still don't believe them. If you're the type of person (like me) who gets pissed off when a reviewer reveals things about a movie, go ahead and skip the rest of the review. But it all actuality it won't matter if you do read it. Because me telling you about someone eating a snow-cone flavored with their own piss, or guys giving each other paper cuts between their toes, or someone getting a tattoo inside a Humvee speeding along a bumpy trail will do nothing to cushion the blow of you actually witnessing them. Plus, the joy of being in a theatre full of people who also happen to be losing their shit, is a pretty wonderful rush. I've heard that some folks actually tossed their cookies while seeing it. I wish I could've been there for that, it would have only enhanced the experience. I came close a couple times, and the scent of other people's hork would have definitely sent me into a fit of chunk-flinging apoplexy. And maybe that's something this country needs. To come together in a mass, Roman-style orgy of vomit. So bravo, Johnny Knoxville. And not just for causing me to respect Henry Rollins again. (Though the sound of him bellowing "CHRISTIAN MOTHERFUCKERS!" is something I will cherish for the remainder of my time on this stupid planet.)

Should you go see Jackass? That depends. If you're the easily impressionable type that sets trailers on fire after watching Beavis & Butthead, I'd say no. But if you're truly interested in understanding how much you can take, it's a must. Because some movies make you laugh, some make you cry, and some make you puke in your shoes. God bless America.