Currently we're expanding our staff here because I am learning that if I try and do everything myself, it just takes too goldurn long. The expansion of community here will become more and more apparent not just with the DVD's release, but with the imminent launch of the Mike The Pod Forums. That is correct. You read that right. I've gone far too long here without a reasonable upgrade, and one is coming soon. Complete with forums and attendant mods just itching for you to say something stupid. Also I'll likely cave in with a blog app as well, if for no other reason than I won't have to waste time setting up tables and such on this page (which obviously,uh, I do so well).

One last thing: MySpace can still get fucked. I'm sorry but I gotta bust out laughing at anyone who takes pride in their number of "MySpace friends" over actual in-person relationships. It's pathetic loser to the nth degree. It's like telling people you host an imaginary all-day radio show with imaginary callers and shit. Who fucking cares. If you're looking at it as any sort of personal validation, you must be just plain retarded. If you aren't, you sure as hell look it to everyone else. Hey- you know what's actually validating, personally? People paying you for what you do. See, then it's a job, and not a hobby. MySpace is like writing the name of your "band" in Sharpie on a pub toilet wall. It's a shitty free site that any ass-clown can join. If I'm looking for belly-laughs over talentless chumps who can't even configure a free web page clearly enough for me to identify the awful shit coming out of my speakers (automatically, gee, doesn't EVERYONE LOVE THAT)... it's MySpace, baby! The #1 resource for clowns who have no other option than to literally force people to listen to their half-assed crap. Don't believe me? Send your stinking MySpace link to any record label. Drop me a line when they email you back telling you how they just GOTTA SIGN YOU. Keep those fingers crossed!

Aight, my break is over, back to the turd mines. Don't forget we'll be exhibiting at the Museum of Comics and Cartoon Art's festival this June, and there's the first Atlanta animation festival coming up this year as well, but I don't have the details yet. New site, new Pup album, and more (duh, not to mention the DVD!) soon. I love you!!!!

-MBA

1. Did you see that picture of the JOHN'S ARM DVD cases? Dude, that took like the better part of a WEEK! WTF?!? Retailers- know that the case (itself hand-crafted from gerbil blood and cigarette wrappers) of every DVD you receive had its insert slowly, painstakingly shoved into place personally by my own boogery, ossified fingers. Sure, we could buy a machine to do it, with all of our bullions of Nazi gold, and all, but then WHERE WOULD THE LOVE BE?

2. I have fallen madly in love with this website. I know it's a "blog" site. I feel dirty enough about it.

3. I think I wrote that last Bands I Useta Like after something like 31 hours of no sleep. To appreciate it fully, you really have to have heard the song "So Serious", though in reality, I was thinking of "Confusion" when I wrote the last panel. Which is now stuck in my head, making me again want to purge it out with hot lead. Thanks.

4. I haven't mentioned it before, but in the future, whenever the frigging hell everyone finally gets their DVDs, notice that we have a guest star providing the music over the end credits. A legitimately notorious guest star. I'm honestly tempted to reveal more than that, but I won't. Really, it's something only a margin of people will ultimately appreciate, but if you're at all familiar with the "oeuvre", or even the reputation of this person... you are going to flip your shit.

5. If you need a press kit, they will be ready soon. Also I may "leak" some footage from the movie onto Youtube, I only fear that nobody will give a shit and I'll end up spoiling something. Speaking of which: there are no rabid wolverines hiding in the DVD Preorder Page, nor will you get any vile or deadly diseases from it. So you have nothing to fear from clicking on it. As well, you have no reason to hesitate in pre-ordering the DVD. No one will talk badly of you or call you by terrible names. Instead they will trumpet your praises from the highest mountaintop. Whoever they are. So save yourself from future disappointment and non-trumpeting. Plus, maybe my creditors will stop stabbing me in the dick.

6. If all goes well, this Thanksgiving will bring more than tryptophan and turkey. I'd say more, but I've punched myself in the nuts so many times as punishment at this point that it hurts to wear anything but fat pants.

Hurry up and move real fast,
MBA

I'm hoping to get a trailer posted soon, but again, bear in mind that I have to put it together, and I don't seem to have time to do jack squat. I do wanna get one up though, since I recently "mastered" the conversion program, and I feel like nice hot shit. Also we have another great DPR piece coming up, which will make you laugh and say "It sure is funny how that guy can't seem to get that movie ready!" You know, just like you say in my paranoid fever dreams, where everyone in the world is having a great laugh at the fact that I'm TAKING OVER A YEAR TO MAKE AN ANIMATED MOVIE BY MYSELF. Don't you understand that these things take TIME, Imaginary People Who Mock Me? Don't you understand?!?!

Oh yeah, big-time site updates coming too; I might as well promise them as well while I'm blowing smoke out my ass. Again, though I've used YouTube to lighten the bandwidth load here with the videos, I'm still not touching MySpace. I went on MySpace once. Now I have full-blown AIDS. Thanks a lot MySpace.

Anyway... just thought I'd check in as the absentee overseer here. I'll be back. With a goddamned DVD. Hopefully soon. Now if you'll excuse me... I have to go figure out where to find some large chunks of money.
-MBA

No, the DVD is not quite ready yet. Yes, it will be ready soon. I said summer. So what's one or two burst blood vessels for you good people. It'll happen, or I'll get mad and fly into the ether ablaze.

The bottom line is this fucking thing has to be as perfect as possible before I kick it out the door. It's the John's Arm movie, and it's been a banshee bitch trying to get it all hammered together. And it can't look like a crappy bunch of Flash cartoons spattered onto a DVD that looks like VHS-tape circa 1994. Yeah, there was gonna be a big premiere in ATL last month, and I blew it. You can get on my back about it, or you can be patient. The JA movie has been in production since May of last year... I don't want to rush the final product.

It's been really strange looking at footage of characters like T-Rex Arms, Defenestrator and Loofah-Lad from the old 2001 cartoons next to footage of them in the movie. It's like watching kids grow up. I guess. I want to have kids like I want to tease my scrotal skin with a hot shrimp fork. Which is to say, I don't. Anyway, I can't imagine you'll be disappointed in the JA movie if you like the old stuff, unless you're just trying to look like a big man in front of your girlfriend. I'd show you some scenes, but to be truthful, I prefer to keep the bulk of it under wraps until it's ready and out completely. Not that I'm gonna react like Dreamworks did when that TOTALLY F***ING AWESOME PICTURE OF BUMBLEBEE FROM THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIE leaked (I saved it, but I won't link to it here, because I'm a nice little Trans-fan) and threaten lawsuits and the like, but it's my opinion that you'll thank me later for not spoiling parts of the movie. Sure, you can accuse me of trying to pull some scam here, since I haven't had fuck-all time to update this site, or even make the pre-order pages look vaguely professional, but again- wait 'til you see the movie.

I want to thank everybody for being patient, when you really don't have to be. Hang tight. Keep the pre-orders comin'. We won't let you down, or threaten to fight you like Uwe Boll if you hate the film. Well... maybe we'll fight you.
-MBA

DPR wrote an article on the Red Carpet Premiere of John's Arm: Armageddon (don't ask how, I MEAN IT). How even more hilarious it would have been if I'd posted the article ages ago when he first penned it. Still. Read it.

Jenn and Phil both had birthdays during the most recent dry stretch of updates here. So happy belated birthdays. I think I gave gifts where necessary. It's all a blur at this point.

And as promised on this Dark Day... you can now reserve your copy of the John's Arm: Armageddon DVD. Trailers for the movie will begin to appear when there aren't a zillion other things to do. Better than that cheesy teaser I did, to be sure. But right now there just isn't time. (Even "Mystery Pics" were becoming a distraction, sorry.)

MoCCA this year looks like a no-go for me... no use cryin' about it. What is, however, worth cryin' about is the fact that I, for many months, have been under the false impression that FLUKE was after the MoCCA Festival. It of course was quite a ways earlier. I'm not very good at planning things.

As of right now, the JA movie will be shown in Atlanta mid/late-June. I'll give you the where and when as we draw closer to the showing, as I'd rather not jinx anything.

Time for me to attempt a few scrabblings of sleep. We're givin' you the best movie we know how to make here at the Pod. You bet your Razzle-Blop.
-MBA

I'm currently wait-listed for the MoCCA Festival. If we have a table there you'll be the first to know. Whether it happens or not, we'll likely still hit the FLUKE Festival. Other 2006 appearances TBA.

Invisible Inc. Figures will go back into full production mid/late June. I apologize for the wait. Obviously they take time to put together, but more are indeed on the way. Believe me, if I could freeze time and make a ton of 'em, I would. I'd also go slap Ashlee Simpson silly. Just 'cause.

The 5th All-New Series Garbage Pail Kids are out now. I did a handful of the comic strip art on the card backs. They re-did my horrible lettering though.

That's it for now. Back awork.
-MBA

Recently I encountered the Funniest Thing On The Internet. It completely blew out my funny fuse. It is in two parts. (Please note I take back everything bad I've said about Alabama, because without Alabama, this would not exist.)

Part One
Part Two

I'll give you a moment to recuperate.

South Park is continuing to impress me this season, though I can't help but think Comedy Central did them a favor by blocking out the image of Mohammed. However, now the incredible second season of Wonder Showzen has begun, I bet they'll take a whack at it too. It'll be better and funnier anyway. Allow me to reiterate for the zillionth time: Wonder Showzen is the best show on TV. And as annoying as MTV2 is (have you SEEN the deluge of ridiculous whore-band commercials on this fucking network??? "AIDEN", for FUCK'S SAKE???), hey, at least they're not showing decades-old episodes of Saved By The Bell, like a certain network that's ostensibly "all-cartoon". 'Cause, you know, they're just so hip.

Oh, by the way, fuck Adult Swim.

And fuck Lenny Kravitz. One, because he sucks and has always sucked, and two, because he's a fucking moron who won't give up the idiotic facial piercings. Newsflash Len- it's not 1993, and you're not a dumb teenage girl who hates her daddy. I hope you get the shirt sued off your back for your little over-flowing toilet problem. You've always been nothing more than a poseur, you just rode that shitty early-90s wave of Hendrixian pretenders-to-the-throne. Nothing about you has ever been anything but automatically hackneyed, and the white people that make up 85% of your fanbase are the most embarrassing bunch of crackers since the Bush administration, plus most of them confuse you with Terence Trent D'Arby anyway. I'll continue to count the seconds until you bend over for Apple and start popping up silhouetted in iPod ads, since it's the only way sell-out hacks like you can launch an album anymore.

That's it for now. Xenu is my co-pilot,
-MBA

Before we begin- audio is almost completely recorded for the Movie. There are only a handful of unrecorded characters now. We will be finished recording voices mid-April. Now is the time to make yourself available. Again- after the next two weeks, audio will have to be finished, in order to keep things on a realistic timetable. So tick tick.

I have to again sing the praises of The Simpsons. I totally ate crow, in that I didn't think Ricky Gervais' style of humor would translate well into animated comedy. Happily I admit I was wrong; it was one of the best episodes in ages, and Marge's dialogue was superb, particularly. Let's get Mr. Gervais to write a few more, ey wot?

And the controversy surrounding South Park was an interesting way to discover that Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist (unfortunately). I have to side with Parker and Stone on this one; they should give lessons on how to come out on top. And the episode they whipped up in a week to deal with the situation was top-notch... I hope you saw it, because I doubt Comedy Central will ever run it again. The cherry on top was the affectionate homage to Episode III (I can only hope Darth Chef will become a recurring character).

I burned the back of my hand accidentally on the roof of the stove, and it looks awesome.

Charles Burns' excellent comic serial Black Hole has been collected into an attractive hardcover with dust jacket intentionally reminiscent of school library books. I've been an enthusiast of Charles' work since I saw him in Raw when I was still in high school. (Plus a couple years ago I finally got to meet the guy.) I highly recommend it, not just because of the beautiful art, but because of the heart-fucking nightmare I had after reading the whole thing in one sitting.

Oh yeah- a picture I did made it into the Transformers Collectors Club newsletter. Which, in my book, is pretty FREAKIN' SWEET. I drew Mini-Con Payload as a badass, since I know you were about to ask anyway.

I know there's more. I forget what though.

Hail Thetan.
-MBA

As work on Armageddon becomes increasingly more time-consuming, I have even less time for these admittedly piddly little updates. So if this page becomes occasionally little more than a sprinkling of text and an image, please don't feel slighted. Especially in June, when I'll likely be a complete nutcase. We're also considering Zine-A-Palooza '06 for an appearance with the Mike The Pod Magic Movie Machine. Which rhymes with zine, but in reality is actually very different. It's every bit as flammable though.

By the way, I'll probably quit with the "Progress" percentages on this page too, because I really have no idea what percentile of the movie is done precisely. Some of it is. Some isn't. Sometimes I end up staring at the monitor.

The terrific Transformer for this update is Downshift. Here's why: he's a green muscle car with black and silver detailing, so you can totally see him hiding in a garage somewhere. He's a great sculpt, and in robot mode he has shoulder-mounted rocket launchers. With Mini-Con pegs (which supplants my theory that he's a re-tooled leftover from Energon). His "vinyl" roof is textured to look real. If you're a casual Transformer person who's looking for a nice intro to the line, see if you can scare up a Downshift.

I also have to give a shout-out to Lucky Country, for their Soft Red Aussie Licorice. It was already more or less my favorite candy in the whole wide world. I've eaten probably seventeen tons of the stuff. Of the zillion bags I've ever bought, I happened to get one bag recently that was probably punctured or something, because the candy wasn't so great (like it always is). So I emailed them. They sent me a bag that obviously was intended for Zeus or something. I'm serious, I had a religious experience eating it. As I told Pickles, it may well be the finest candy my human tongue has ever tasted. Don't believe me Dr. Jones? Head over to Target and get you a bag. Best four dollars you ever spent. I usually can't exit a Target without some.

I'm planning to bitch-slap the front page into shape this week. Hope you like the Countdown Clock. Sixty days before we gotta kick this baby out the door, then it's road time. Details on the NYC appearance will be posted as they arrive, in case you actually care. Please don't show up if you're planning to shoot or stab us. There are plenty of other people to shoot and stab.

Now if you don't mind, I have to go drop the kids off at the pool, by which I mean shit loudly into the downstairs toilet.

Til next time.
-MBA

Headphones arrived super-quick, which means that not only has audio mixing resumed on the film, but I can listen to my CD of Eric B. & Rakim's Paid In Full as loudly and often as I want without driving everyone in the building totally insane. Our next studio obstacle is the ridiculous parking situation outside and around the loft. I had two voice actors and of course Pickles the Pod Audio Tech in the studio yesterday and all three of them nearly got towed, plus one of their cars was damaged by one of the tow trucks (there were fucking THREE TOW TRUCKS). All of this is of course bullshit, we were operating within the rules. Needless to say a work day was aborted all to shit. However, the relevant parties have been made aware of my dismay at the situation. It'll all get worked out. Again- if you want to do voices, MAKE YOURSELF AVAILABLE. My schedule is tighter than a you-know-what right now. Still many, many scenes to be animated before the Big Premiere, and many, many roles yet to be filled. Plus, the Vice President sprayed some dude with bird shot! Say what say what?!

Lastly, if you want some cheap stress relief, go to Toys R Us and buy a couple of 3-packs of MegaBloks Pyrates. The sculpts are terrific, the paint apps are minimal yet colorful and unique, the names are memorable and hilarious, and you simply CANNOT BEAT having a team of these adorable little snarlies sprinkled about your desktop. I am totally serious. If you doubt me, buy a 3-pack for someone as a random gift and watch their face light up. Couple it with one of those limited edition Milk Shake Kit Kats (even better than the Cherry one that tasted like Fruity Pebbles) and you may very well kill them with joy.

Arr.
-MBA

Busy busy busy. The venerable pair of headphones used to mix the last four Pup albums finally bit the dust, despite valiant attempts to mend them with metal rods and electrical tape. Suddenly there was sound no more in the right earcup, and if you've ever tried to mix anything with headphones gone dead in one ear, you know that there's only a good seventy seconds before the sensation of partial deafness becomes so convincing that you just have to pound your fist into the wall. Speaking of which; the neighbors were fucking so loud last Friday night it was unbelievable. I mean really. My girlfriend was out of town and I was already pissed off. Anyway. A spanking new pair of Audiotechnica ATH-D40fs are on their way to the studio through the magic of the Pony Express. So for right now, audio mixing is at a bit of a stall, 'cause I ain't mixin' no audio without decent headphones. Especially since I now have to drown out Dirty Fornicating Girl.

Also- I am working on making the latest Pup album available on the site, or some goddamn place. Mainly I've been so caught up in production a lot of things are falling behind. MoCCA is coming up faster than a cracked-out cheetah. And here's the latest Bands I Useta Like. Not one of my faves, but eh. A pimp shot me in the face that day. SHOT IN THE FUCKING FACE. Plus a lion was there.

This MYSTERY PIC is a sneak peek at the impending merch whore-storm. You'd be fucking amazed how many times I see the words "sneak peek" spelled incorrectly on the internet, even on sites known for their editorial standards. Seriously, google "sneak peak". Ladies and gentlemen, our educational system. Thank you. Jesus I'm tired. It's like three in the morning. I'm learning Acrobat now, for some reason. Speaking of which, I'd like to say a few words about the current crop of new candy.

It's awesomeness on a galactic scale. They're putting caramel in Hershey's Kisses now. Or making them strawberry flavored, like the new Kit Kat that blew my fucking mind into Rock Oblivion. No- that was cherry actually. My god- the damn thing tasted like Fruity Pebbles. I thought my balls would explode.

Then there's the news that Swedish Fish have branched out into "Aqua Life". Rather Aqua Death- I ate the entire bag in under ten minutes. The flounders are grape. Do you understand what I am fucking saying to you? The flounders are grape. Truly this is a golden age.

Wampus recommended a candy of some sort recently that my only recollection of is a blinding white light, that intoxicated rather than pained the senses. I'm just saying the candy was that good. So good I forgot its freaking name.

I feel it worth noting here also that the Snoopy Fruit Snacks from Publix are quite divine as well, superior even to the Dinos. And I still haven't shut up about the Birthday Cake ice cream I had at Marble Slab Creamery, and that was before last Joewalshmas. It was ice cream. It tasted exactly like birthday cake. I could've gotten kicked in the nuts that day and it wouldn't even ruin it.

I have to go lie down now.
-MBA

A companion book for the movie will be available soon. It's not a "guidebook", so it won't ruin any of the big surprises (unless you let it), but it'll be a cool collectors' item. I'll have more details on that as I get them. Mini-posters are also on the way, so get some wall space ready to uglify.

Keep an eye on those Art-O-Mat machines as well... I finally did a new run of some more Galactic G.U.T.S. figurines. Due to the complex process involved in making the G.U.T.S., I doubt I'll continue with them after this series, so snap 'em up while you can. Then one of these days... Series Six.

Ossie Day is coming up quick... I'll have more info on the Pod Holiday page. (I know you're all fishing your ceremonial lawnchairs out of the pool still... that's okay.) Also there's a new Bands I Useta Like up. I can best describe it using the words of Optimus Primal: "There he is my little guyyyyyy. There he is. Myyyyy little guy. Isn't he cute."

Boner for tuner.
-MBA

Obviously production on the movie will be taking a brief holiday break, plus I'm doing some more Garbage Pail Kids card backs with Jay Lynch, for the upcoming series. The vomit and sores I'm lovingly and painstakingly rendering are a great warm-up for the vomit and sores that are slated to appear in the movie.

Tailothepup's newest album Yars Revenge is all done. I haven't yet made it available here because we are perusing some options regarding distribution that will ultimately make things easier. Technically, though, it's "out", we called it. It has eleven songs on it. If you can't wait until we work things out to have one, email us and we'll talk. We don't mean to tease you, but it has a song called "Voodoo Pork".

That's it for now. Click the link below for a surprise (not really). Merry Joewalshmas, and don't forget to freaking take care of yourself.
-MBA

Oh, and interestingly enough, if you check page 114 of this month's issue of Stuff magazine (the one with 7-inch-tall Mila Kunis on the cover), apparently I'm an "Internet film critic". Hey, they got my name right, though...

Anyway. I was in Texas. It was pretty keen. Jenn took me to a place where no man-made light was visible, and there was no sound. It looked like the "space" scenes from Adventures of Baron Munchausen, and was quite awe-inspiring. I'll sure as shit never set foot in Alabama again, however. They can have their road signs that don't lead where they say they do, and their "Pagans Kill Babies" nonsense. Now I truly understand why people up North have this insane prejudice toward the South. Alabama, that's why. And Mississippi: you have the cleanest, nicest Wal-Mart I have ever seen, anywhere. Not only that- EVERYONE THERE, including plain old customers and not just employees, was beyond courteous, and said "excuse me" to get out of our way, PLUS EYE CONTACT. Mississippi: you kick total ass.

I also found Transformers galore on our little Turkey Day jaunt across America: Alternators Prowl (which I haven't seen again since), Decepticharge (who is actually better than his original mold in many ways), Sideways (must buy to even believe), Energon Quickstrike (he was $15 at KB in Amarillo!!!), and Runamuck (best use of that mold yet). And this is after being tickled pink getting Evac, Buzzsaw, Armorhide, and Brakedown. Plus I got the Mini-Con team with Sky Lynx, who is scowling adorably at me on my desk right now. Holy crap what a haul of cool-ass robots. You can't swing a cat in the office without knocking over one of 'em, and trust me, I have.

To continue this useless infodump, recent movies I've seen that were just amazing were The Eyes Of Tammy Faye, In The Realms Of The Unreal and The Nomi Song (easily one of the most lingering-sad films I've watched). I'm having a hard time finding the Russ Meyer and Al Adamson flicks I've been hunting, however. On DVD that is- I don't trust VHS at all anymore. Old VHS tapes suck 90% of the time. I finally saw Tron on DVD the other day for the first time; I was slack-jawed at the improvement in quality.

Okay... I guess this IS technically a "production diary", and here I am blathering about all manner of drivel. Not a lot of "exciting" stuff is going on with the movie right now. I got some recent production sketches and backgrounds, but a lot of it is only partially done. The opening scene is being rewritten because it just plain doesn't work. I'm gonna put up those postcards I promised ages ago soon, but it won't be a Katrina benefit thing. Don't get mad. Postcards are expensive to make. Stickers too. But the love is there. Tune in this week: Tailothepup's new album Yars Revenge will be available for purchase. Happy Holidays!

Allow me to introduce you to crack. That's right, in my hand I am holding a huge rock of crack. I don't care what it looks like to you. It's crack. Yummy yummy crack, which was my reward for finishing the script about a week back.

Yes indeedy, it is finished, and I felt that the greatest video game ever created (I kid you not, I am serious as a triple coronary, pinkie-swear) was just desserts. Look below, under "Other" for a Halloween treat from this 174-page (as it stands right now) monster. I am serious about that as well. 174 pages. There's also a new Band I Useta Like. Someone'll hate it.

Tailothepup's new album is just shy of finished, however; we were all about making the Halloween release date until we started to feel like we were rushing it. Yars Revenge will still bow before the year is out, however. And a new Pod Holiday will be posted before you know it... I am well aware that All Brion's Day, though sacred, has well and passed.

Now for some Halloween fun... or as close to it as anything gets around here. It's a Time Capsule. Enjoy... I slapped it together really hastily, you can tell. But it's just to give you an idea of how things are (slowly) shaping up here at the Pod.

That's more or less it for now. Oh yeah... I refurbished the new "Hulk-Bot", which I got off eBay for cheap, into a proper Decepticon, named Nihilus. Not an extensive "kitbash" by any means, but I think he makes a great ancient death-dealer. (Again- that's Reprolabels, for all your Transformer insignia needs.) Happy Halloween!

1. The script will be done when I say it's done. Scenes that are "written in stone" we're going ahead and recording (the booths are ready to go). If you're in my area and want to do voices, let me know. Don't make me chase you around. There is so much shit to be done it's insane. Yeah I keep announcing deadlines for the script and breaking them, but what's most important is that everything is as funny as it needs to be. If something's not working, rewrites are necessary. The movie will be done in 2006 (in time for the MoCCA Festival) one way or the other.
2. Speaking of blown deadlines, I'm not in the Katrina benefit comic book like I said I would be. Like always I let it go to the last minute and blanked out. Trust me, I feel crappy enough about it. I have some sets of postcards with promo art for the movie I'm looking at selling on the site to benefit Katrina victims, also some special Invisible Inc. stuff. It just seems like there aren't enough hours in a day anymore. And speaking of not enough hours...
3. I'm updating the site as best I can. Here and there. I know it doesn't seem like much, but allow me to re-iterate: I'm starting an animation studio. There's a LOT to do. Please forgive me if I haven't been responding to your emails or posting your Ridiculously Short Stories. Also, this Halloween, the new Tailothepup CD will make its debut (there's also "making-of" video that will blow your mind), and All Brion's Day is fast approaching, so celebrate.
4. I may seek treatment for addiction to Galaga. Seriously, what's up with that game? I've been using it to wind down with Jenn after work sessions. I don't remember it being this much like crack. On the up side, Galaga has gotten me off of crack. And lord knows I love the rock.
5. I'm as confused about VH1's "Surreal Life 5" as you are. First I hated Janice Dickinson. Then I hated Omarosa. Then Janice again, then Omarosa again. By the season climax I was as ready to bawl as Bronson Pinchot was. However, were I Bronson Pinchot, I would have tagged Caprice up and down for a good seventeen hours and left her glued to the wall. Anyway, every year I don't think I'm going to like or care about the latest crew, then I end up watching every episode with glee. Next season: Sherman Helmsley, and C.C. DeVille from Poison. Plus the chick Gary and Wyatt made with their computer in Weird Science is going to be on "Celebrity Fit Club 3". Her recent pictures will no doubt surprise you.
6. If you need Autobot/Decepticon insignia stickers, go to Reprolabels. I got a sheet of 120 for around six bucks and the quality is just amazing. I'm having to fight the urge to make everything in the office a Decepticon. Now EVERYTHING can be more than meets the eye! Even TOILETS!
7. I swear there's more. However, thanks to this cranky page editor, I can't get out of the "numbered list" format to write my little epilogue. I know, I know, Dreamweaver. One of these days I'll get around to learning how to use that bee-otch. Later.

MTP audio tech Joey Pickles and I tested out the mics and mic cables yesterday, and I am reasonably certain the voices for the movie will sound super-duper. If I could just figure out a way to get the mics mounted the way I want, we'll be hootin' and hollerin' in no time. I haven't had the free time to do it, but I'm looking at re-organizing part of the site into a "theater" of sorts, which will feature the usual MTP animations, but also video and "radio" programs. The video is already there... it's just a matter of editing and publishing it. Which... takes time. If I could save time in a bottle, I'd drink it, and then I'd pee time. Anyway, I'm looking at putting together some sort of streaming radio station here at MTP, but again, other things gotta get done first. Like, say, this movie I won't shut up about. 2006 ladies and germs! Red DVD cases too! How ya like that?

Also- here's my last word on this recent hack-job Willy Wonka movie crap. It comes from the original Willy Wonka, Gene Wilder, himself.

"It's all about money. It's just some people sitting around thinking 'How can we make some more money?' Why else would you remake Willy Wonka?"

Amen Jerome.

Earlier this month, my high school art teacher and mentor Mr. Alan Sponzilli (known to us affectionately as The Sponz) passed away. This has saddened me immensely, particularly because Mike the Pod has only now begun to become the animation studio I dreamed it would, back in his classroom. In fact, the material representation of the Pod himself was created in that very classroom, nearly twenty years ago. Sponz nurtured my admittedly scattershot ideas back in those awkward days, and gave me the confidence to see them through to completion. He was an ebullient, positive guy, and when I was a pimply teen I felt he represented the quintessential NY artist, especially when he'd typically show up at prom with a hot-ass city bee-otch on each arm. I was really looking forward to sending him a DVD next year, and showing him the results of his teachings... though it would certainly not be to his tastes. But I'm sure he'd love it anyway, because he truly understood and believed in the importance of creative expression. And he was always a great sport, particularly when my friend Jeff would jokingly liken him to Lyle, the Effeminate Heterosexual as portrayed by Dana Carvey (it was new way back then). I sure am gonna miss him, and Glen Rock Jr./Sr. High is all the poorer for losing him.

Alright... time to wrap this up. We're getting hammered from Katrina's run-off (I'll kill anyone who makes a "Katrina and the Waves" joke), but it's nothing compared to what N'awlins is eating right now. I don't trust my UPS enough to keep my computer on through this deluge though. I'll be back with more news soon, for now I'm just concentrating on the movie, so please forgive me if I'm slow with e-mail replies. Also, I've finally gotten around to posting the newest Bands I Useta Like. I'm sure I'll get the usual e-hate-mail from people who can't deal with their inappropriate and misguided hero worship being questioned. By all means, continue to make yourselves look amazingly stupid.

One last thing, an open letter to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim: learn to roll with the punches, especially when your current original line-up is of such poor quality. Pop shit at National Lampoon if you will, but you're overlooking one crucial fact: the movies Vacation and Animal House are still popular (and damn funny) decades after their release. We'll see how your stuff endures thirty years from now. Five years ago, my friends and I almost wore out a tape I'd made of your programs. Now we watch almost anything BUT you. And frankly, the message board posters you aggrandize and encourage so much are fucking embarrassing. The "Adult" in your title is starting to seem really ironic. There's no such thing as bad publicity, sure, but try not to celebrate the fact that your viewership comes off like a pack of drooling morons who can barely operate a computer keyboard. Lastly, I don't mean to be cruel, but I laughed a lot at National Lampoon's parody of your bumps, and I haven't laughed at anything original you've done in quite some time. Maybe you should consider going back to the footage of old people swimming. At least that didn't feel like a pseudo-hip insult to my intelligence. Peas.
-MBA

I... really don't have much more to add than that. I got one of those gigantic new Starscreams, and it about blew my fricking mind. It's an intensely satisfying, gorgeous chunk of plastic. Lots of ratchety noise, the works. His eyes even light up (if you stick a battery in him). Plus he comes with a crown, so you can disrupt his coronation and say that it's bad comedy. But from the looks of him, this time he'd whip Galvatron's purple hiney.

Honestly, I wish I could pull a "Bill and Ted", finish this DVD sometime in the future, then go back in time with the copies to right now and sell them to you. I'm THAT excited about it. Think about it- all you have to do is write a note to yourself and carry it for the rest of your life. If nothing happens, you never found a time machine in the future. It's risky, but worth a shot. Just don't end up doing all the work on your deathbed.

Okay- I haven't made any sense since the first paragraph, and even that was dubious. So I'm gonna get back to work now. Oh yeah, one last thing- wanna make a friend for life?
-MBA

I'd also like to apologize to all of you good folks who've sent me links to trade, stuff to review and Ridiculously Short Stories in the past month or so... sorry for the delay in getting to it all, but please bear in mind that Jenn and I are still getting moved into the loft here, and it's taking precedent for the moment. There's another great Pterodactyl Gary tale all ready to go from DPR... I just have to get off my fat ass and post it. I beg you be patient. I'm just REALLY tired. And the rigors of getting this studio off the ground haven't even really begun yet. Can't wait 'til convention time rolls around next year. Sheesh.

Anyway... that's about it for this update. The past few weeks have mainly been about moving and setting things up. Not all that exciting. I'll try to kill a hooker or something in the next few days to keep all of you entertained.
-MBA

I'm hoping to get my space situated before the end of this week so I can start hacking away at the script again. Between moving, setting up shelves and getting my ass pummelled by hardcovers, my energy is shot. San Andreas is proving to be less and less of a distraction... as that game is really starting to piss me off. The case got totally smashed between the TV and the Xbox when I landed on it, too. (Really, you should have seen the whole thing. Judging by how bad Jenn freaked out it must have been sheerly epic.) Let that be a lesson to GTA, if not me.

That's about it for tonight, other than the fact that I've seen two spiders in the studio as I've been writing this. Big 'uns. After each sighting I tried to scoop the little bugger up to transport him downstairs and out to the porch (which is more spider-friendly), but he was having none of it. I'm really hoping it was only one spider making numerous curtain calls. I got an assload of Transformers here in the office, and I don't want them turning into a spider condo. Plus I recently acquired a Pez dispenser with a Death Star on top of it. Goddamn it's badass.
-MBA

A few months back, I realized that the reason the abortion once known as John's Arm 5: Five Fingers Of Fury wasn't working was because I was feeling confined by the limitations of web animation (same goes for Chapter 4 of Tiniest Restaurant). Every time I slave over one of these vulgar little movies, oftentimes for months, I have to sacrifice audio quality, length, pacing and overall visual quality- all for the sake of cramming my labor of love down to a download-friendly, under-2MB size. John's Arm 4 was the last straw. If you had any idea how I had to castrate that movie just to get it to work at all- even beyond the audio-only easter eggs I stapled into it- you'd be amazed. To be honest, I can hardly watch it. How can I create elaborate visual gags and set-ups when I have to tear the ass out of everything to make it short enough for the average web surfer to even see the thing? Whither the farting, man? Whither the farting?

Enter DVD. Once this technology finally became available to my broke behind, I felt like a ton of lead just rolled off of my scrotum. Now I can just put together animated feature-length movies scene by scene, stitch them together onto a DVD, and pass the greasy joy on to you. No more ruining animation by compressing it into jerky oblivion. No more worrying if I'm making a sequence too processor-intensive with my fancy-schmancy Wacom pad. I can put movies together as best as I know how to make 'em and hurl them at festivals, theaters, et cetera. I can go to conventions with a laptop and show people previews. Honestly, I haven't felt this joyful about doing animation since I was a kid, and believe me, I've wanted to make an animated film as far back as diapers.

So, we've moved into a loft, and I'm in the process of converting part of it into a bona fide grassroots animation studio. Voice booths, air horns, the works. (We've even had a real live guest!) The script for John's Arm: ARMageddon! is about one-third done (it arose from the ashes of JA5); it'll be finished before the end of July. If you want to get all technical, it's based on a videogame... the fighter Randy and I were busting our humps on before we decided it was way too much work and scrapped it. This puts it in the same proud category as gems like Super Mario Bros. The Movie and Double Dragon, so you bet your sweet ass it's gonna rock your face. Ultra Ocho, Douche-Bag, Dr. Baldicus, Kap'n Kill-Krazy, Moss Master, Mayor Felcher, Genderbender, Buggie, T-Rex Arms, Hammerhands, Loofah-Lad, Beardobees, Lefty, Willis and Willis' grandmother all turn in appearances (at least in this draft of the script they do), along with a plethora of brand-new faces. I'm not giving away any more than that. Trust me... if you liked the four John's Arm web animations, you're going to poop your ever-loving pants for ARMageddon.

This page will give you a step-by-step (though probably not day-by-day... let's be realistic) peek into the production of this filthy meisterwork, as well as any subsequent MTP movies. There will be teasers, snippets of artwork, and all sorts of other goodies. Sometimes I'll even preview scenes from the movie here. Who knows, maybe I'll go all Corey Haim and auction a turd on eBay. This is all intended to psych you into a froth by the time the flick comes out in 2006. Will the first run of DVDs come with a special bonus object of some kind? You betcha. Will you get to share the highs and mostly lows of the convention circuit with me as I pound the pavement bloody to hawk this thing? Why, I can't imagine doing it without you. You're in on the ground floor. Live the dream.

I welcome any questions or comments you might have, as long as you can act like an adult in doing so. Yeah, I know, we're on the internet and all, but try not to embarass yourself by being an idiot. So come on, pull up a pew, and let's chew the fat.

Alright, enough of this yammering. 2005's gonna be a great year, and in 2006, exactly twenty years after I first saw Unicron kick the shit out of Cybertron, I'll be vomiting up an animated movie of my own. You're gonna love it. If not, what the hell are you doing here anyways?

More soon. I sleep now.
-MBA