I'm a granny. These are this year's hottest gifts, and the best thing is, you can order them ONLINE! It's so simple that people who can't even manage to vote can do it. Shipping is free if you live within one block of our warehouse! Oh no- THE WOLF!
RAAAARRRR GRANNY! INDEED I AM THE WOLF, AND MY BLOODLUST FOR HOLIDAY GIFTS MUST BE SLAKED! IF YOU WISH TO LIVE, YOU MUST PROMPTLY INFORM ME OF THE HOTTEST HOLIDAY GIFTS FOR 2008! HISSSSSSSS!!! HOOOONNNNNKK!!!
Oh Je-e-e-e-susss!
LOOF-A-LERTTM OFFICIAL SOAP AND PERSONAL ALARM
This terrific soap-on-a-rope is officially licensed and sculpted to resemble the communicator worn by Superior Friend LOOFAH-LAD. Now you and your loved ones can feel safe during shower or bath time. Once activated with water, the letters on the front flash red and a piercing alarm sounds if your personal space is invaded.* Includes two extra soap casings, in olive and sandalwood. Aromatic and makes a great gift. Not for children, or people who react adversely to loud noises.
*Requires insertion of Rectal RetinaTM electrode hymen for best results.
Your Price: $9.99
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This item should arrive for shipment on: 12/26/2008
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[2 out of 4 customers found this review helpful]
which end it go in?
by Hookaman from Pigspaw, IA on 2/29/2008
Instructions no good. this thing made to go in anus? how this work, this almost as big as sope is? number dosnt work either;; how i get medical asstance on this importa nt matter???
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4-PACK JALAPENO PAUPER HOT SAUCE GIFTSET
Arriba! Ole ole ole! These four flavors are guaranteed to scorch the porcelain! Includes Fart Master, Ass Death, Renal Failure and Dirty Bomb 12 ounce bottles. Use no more than a drop per gallon for a chili that will hospitalize your guests! Combine flavors for an inexplicably painful experience! Purchase of this item absolves the seller of any and all liability.
Your Price: $39.99
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This item should arrive for shipment on: 12/25/2008
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[1 out of 8 customers found this review helpful]
3rd dgree O-Ring Burns Guaranteed
by venkmanic from Glintsburg, TN on 4/8/2008
WEll now i've tried all 4. I swear they are the same except for color. Not great for the price, but acceptable. Realtalk- these burn ten times worse coming out yr ass. My neighbor called the cops due to my hollerin on the john. Old bat thought I was snuffing a schoolkid. it was that bad.
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ULTRA OCHO "ULTRA-VISOR"
Disguise your real identity (and avoid identity theft) just like The Man With Eight Bionic Hearts! Ocho's mask is the pinnacle of secret Mexican super-science, and now YOU can have one just like it! Touch the left temple for 10x magnification, the right for infrared, and the bridge of the nose for night vision! Do not sleep in, wear to airports or fetish clubs. Headaches may result from extended usage.
Your Price: $469.99
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This item should arrive for shipment on: 12/27/2008
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[3 out of 6 customers found this review helpful]
Not worth the price
by PhisHed from Uckers, NY on 6/22/2008
This thing is a joke. It barely even looks like 8 Hearts dude or whatever in teh first place, and when it's not turned on (and draining batteries) you can hardly see out of the eyes and flashlights will blind you. Night vision is just some black and white shit and it makes the thing get real hot against the middle of your forehead, until you just have to take it off. Obviously this defeates the purpose. The other reviewer made a good point- is the whole Ultra Ocho thing a rip on Mexicans people?
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TOAD COMMANDER INSPIRATIONAL TALKING GREENBOOK
Tired of hearing about "Hope" and "Change"? Want some inspiration from a leader with REAL experience? TOAD Commander is one of the most feared military leaders in history, and for years he has successfully managed a thriving army of henchpeople! This easy-to-use electronic database contains all 3200 chapters of the most recently declassified TOAD greenbook and with the touch of a button, it recites any passage in your choice of 3 brusque, intimidating voices! A must for corporate executives hoping to motivate lazy employees!
Your Price: $249.99
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This item should arrive for shipment on: 12/25/2008
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[4 out of 5 customers found this review helpful]
You dont have to be a henchman...
by twotents from Sagituad, WA on 1/18/2008
To enjoy this item. That's right-- I said henchMAN. Tough s*** if your offended. You and I both know there ain't enough hench-women in the entire WORLD to get all PC about it, so STFU. Anyway; I don't know what the buttons do, but if you click em enough times it starts shouting out stuff. some of its pretty funny. I wigged out an old black lady at the bus stop real good with it (its loud).
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COMPLETE LAWLORD SET
In the early 80s, Atro City Police Chief Brendon had a short-lived career moonlighting as the costumed crimefighter LAWLORD! This set contains the entire series run in its two sections, plus a full-color supplement autographed by the Chief himself! A fold-out chart details Lawlord's many costume variations, and I, LAWLORD features a controversial alternate ending never seen before now!
Your Price: $49.99
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This item should arrive for shipment on: 12/26/2008
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[7 out of 8 customers found this review helpful]
good times
by nigganerd from Ottsbury Heights, CA on 11/9/2008
Not everybody remembers LL but oh man it was gold. Even if you didn't go for Brendon's whole shtick with the timer counting down, you had to love the guest stars. They threw in anybody to try and keep this thing afloat. Tony Fabuloso, Jim Whackler, I think Yane Westland Dixie is even in there. (As, what else, a gold-crazy prospector stereotype.) This box has that scrapped ending you might have heard about where Lawlord has a war flashback and shoots a cop in the balls.
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"BUGGIE" NOVELTY CRACK PIPE
Fool your friends with this hilarious novelty crack pipe, adorned with a picture of everyone's favorite crackhead, "Buggie"! Pack a pipe with one of the included PVC novelty crack rocks, leave it on a coffee table, and watch the fun! Great for parties, practical jokes, or any situation that needs "lightening up"! WARNING: FOR NOVELTY USE ONLY. DO NOT LIGHT OR SMOKE. INHALATION OF VAPORS CAN BE FATAL.
Your Price: $9.99
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This item should arrive for shipment on: 12/25/2008
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[0 out of 8 customers found this review helpful]
bullshit Yo
by BUGGIE from Atro City, @A on 12/9/2008
whats this yall trip a nigga up
the pipe is aight i liek it but WAT THA FUCK YO
THESE ROCKS IS WACK, SOME KINDA PLASTIC OR SUMMIN
WHY YOU PLAY A NIGGA LIKE DAT
SHIT IS WACK YO, I WAZ SEEIN UFOS AND SHIT
SHIT AINT RIGHTactually the ufos was aight
some bithces owes me a check though yo, aint my indorsement worth NOTHIN???
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