Hello everybody. It is my understanding after spending some time on the internet that a website is not worth a plugged nickel without an adorable critter mascot. Kindly visitors of Mike the Pod, I am here to tell you that I am that adorable critter mascot. Has the news been bumming you out as of late? Let me be a fuzzy salve and provide respite from all the bloody headlines.
There. Doesn't that put a much softer- I mean, nicer spin on things around here? Hey, don't mention it... it's why they brought me on board!
It doesn't take a genius to know that cute critters are fun to look at. And you can share them with your friends, unlike some of the sites I've happened upon. (Why are there websites with guys having sex with stuffed animals? I mean, yeah, I get it, humans get pretty perverted now and again- I've known some gerbils with stories- but a jumbo Gund? What gives?)
My apologies... I digress. As mascot, one of my chief duties is to bring levity to the proceedings. This is especially crucial now, as the Pod readies for the premiere of the movie (Jeebus, that hasn't happened already?!?) and the MoCCA Festival (which I am not permitted to attend). It's also crucial when a bleating moron hurls a yogurt boulder at your head.
Okay so you probably saw that one already. But now I have spoken to you directly and shown it to you in a new light. I know this is probably what Bo in customer support meant when he said they don't let me in the editing rooms for a reason. I don't care, because I am a hamster and am therefore happy. In fact I enjoy a level of happiness you humans cannot even begin to understand. My resemblance to both Buddha and a cashew is no mistake. I am a happy freakin' hammy.
Behold: the camera lens cannot withstand the fury of my hammy bliss. If I focused it into a beam it would burn your nuts out from a thousand miles away. Burn 'em out like tumors. ZAP!
Here I am popping into my futuristic penthouse. You know it's futuristic because it's blue. Here I am trying to comprehend why anyone would allow a stinking, gruesome ho-bag like Katie "Jordan" Price on TV. Ever. You humans and your fascination with false udders. Forever will it confound my hamster noggin!!
If you can't tell what I'm doing here, I'm rooting for snax. I'm told by the higher-ups not to request snax in the mail. Like I'm gonna trust my G-I tract to people who come to this dump! Haw! I kid. I kid because I <3.
Okay, the mail guy just told me that there's like a zillion blogs out there with animal pictures and stuff, like it's something everybody does. I all like whatevered him. He's probably one of these desperate MySpace whores who thinks "Tom" is a real person. Phooey!
Anyway, MY pictures are always great or hilarious or worthy of MSPainting a ROFL on, so EAT IT. Plus I know everyone wants to hear my review of the tubey-mazey thing that magically appeared in front of me yesterday. If I got bored in the maze part, I could go through the tube part. Or vice versa. I'm thinking of it as a sort of summer home. I especially enjoyed the frequent appearance of sunflower seeds in the maze. It's the little touches like that, that make me appreciate being a hamster. (Plus- I lob a fresh turd like nobody's business.)
That's about it I guess. Here's the part where the lawyers say I have to mention the upcoming DVD movie cartoon thing again. And the appearance of mocha or something. I forget. But the movie is supposed to be soon. I think they're going to "leak more footies"(?!?). More in a couple of days. Maybe I'll even have more pictures! Pictures of me biting, or scratching!
