by Matty Boy Anderson 04.19.07
This June, we'll be representing Mike the Pod at the Museum of Comics and Cartoon Art's big festival in NYC, and aside from copies of a movie you may have heard something about, we'll have copies of the inevitable Bands I Useta Like compilation book, especially if I find that bag of money I've been looking for (wish me luck). We don't have the book even laid out yet, but we do have a spot where you can reserve one, and we'll drop you a line when we have copies in stock (late June I imagine- it has to be ready for the Art Festival obviously). Despite the fact that all the strips are archived here, I'm hoping some folks will jump at the chance to, you know, actually see/read/feel-up the strips on paper (even though they appear that way almost every month), instead of on a screen. I can even be persuaded to sign your copy, if you're content with the fact that me doing so will make the book even more worthless, if that's possible. I even use a Metallic Sharpie!
Now- about that BIUL reservation thingy. It's the same as the JA DVD Guarantee Reservation, except you don't have to pay for it in advance (I don't know the price on the books yet). Though you aren't contractually bound by any means whatsoever, we log your email so that we can contact you when your book is in stock, and then you have the option to buy it. Is that too complicated? I guess it is!
Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2007 08:38:32
To: podhq@mikethepod.com
Subject: Bands I Useta Like book reservation
From: RChiarenza@concentrix.com
YEAH, Fuck your cartoon regarding Phish and Trey, you little Fucker!!!!
You must dig the partridge family or some shit, terrible artwork and even worse tag lines. Good luck making it anywhere in life, you sonofaBitch.
Richard Chiarenza
Sage Software/ Concentrix
Account Manager
Seems to me that Dick is first in line to be notified about the book release, wouldn't you say? I mean that's the impression I get from the subject heading. PROTIP: If you're going to be one of that tiny group of people who flame me for Bands I Useta Like, don't use the link I put up for the book reservation. Amazingly, I've included a link to the main site on the BIUL page for some time now, for people who get there by Googling the name of their object of blind devotion. I guess account managers who've made it in life don't have to bother themselves with details like that.
It will probably surprise a lot of people to know that this is one of the very few pieces of hate mail I've gotten since BIUL started appearing in print in 2002. In fact, the emails I get regarding BIUL are almost always glowing and positive. Sometimes people offer to put my penis in their mouth. Sometimes those people are even women. I don't mean this to sound like bragging. I'm just saying that normal people either take the strip or leave it, and if they leave it, they don't embarrass the company that helped them make it somewhere in life by identifying them on their carefully-worded and grammatically flawless little missive.
There are a few elements of this email that, I've noticed, are common among the hate mail I have received. #1: The classic First Name Drop. In this case, "Trey". This denotes that the sender is buddy-buddy with the artist whose work I have unjustly besmirched. It does not, in any way, imply delusion on the part of the sender. I am no doubt intended to quiver in fear of this close companion who will run and tell "Trey" that I liked one of Phish's albums. While you're at it tell him I think it's ironic that's he's the cokehead in the band, when it's clear that Mike Gordon's glorious shnoz is the envy of coke-snorters worldwide. By the way Trey's name is Ernest.
Since I've repeatedly dared to cram my filthy drawings into the internet's pristine and holy colon, detractors have been repeating one question, which is our common element #2: What Do You Like, Stupid Shit? Because I ripped on precious (fill in the blank with a band with stupid fans), it just HAS TO BE that I must listen to the faggiest crap in Faggety Village so they can "hate back" or whatever. And believe it or not, more than one person (okay, two) has actually suggested that I do a comic strip about bands I DO like. Which I wager would be such an awesome, hilarious comic strip, it would be right at home on the internet with all the wonderful, creative and imaginative webcomics there. Ahem.
Our final common element is #3: Your Art Sucks You Fail. When I receive these thoughtful critiques of my stuff, such as "terrible artwork", I always have the same sudden reaction. "My god," I say aloud to myself, "this complete stranger told me my artwork is terrible! Why, the newspaper that's been publishing my cartoon almost every day for almost ten years... and the magazine that's been publishing my illustrations for nearly as long... as well as numerous people who've approached and commissioned me for work... they've all been LYING TO ME!!!" I become so inconsolable about the matter at this point that I watch TV or eat, if it happens to be mealtime. I'm currently trying not to be too hard on myself for sucking at tag lines. Anybody who knows comics can tell you that tag lines are more important than anything. Why, they're even more important than lip beds or kitty foot. I'll never make it anywhere in life without proper tag lines and kitty foot!!!
At any rate, it's probably time to wrap up this little dip into the Pod Mailbag. Sure it's been fun, and you're probably disappointed I didn't post a death threat, but I'll get to those next time. For now you just get me, my terrible tag lines, and an entire website of funny stuff that I'm showing you for FREE. If you've noticed the fact that I don't have any ads on the site (at least, not at the time of this writing), that may have something to do with the fact that I pay for the site out of my own linty pocket with money I'm paid for my terrible artwork. My work is SO terrible, in fact, that for the past three years I've been working my way out of a backlog. That's right- I've had to keep a number of clients waiting while I try to catch up with demand. With my terrible work. And my terrible moviemaking.
I'm not trying to seem bitter about having paid for the site myself since it went off the free servers early this century. I understand PayPal causes AIDS and that's why everyone refuses to give a fucking dime to the site. (Why should I link the donate page to that last sentence? Like you're gonna fucking do it!!! LULZ) I'm aware that life can be tough to get anywhere in on the InterWebs if you're not a camwhore or other breed of teen loudmouth with more free time than common sense. I'm alright with the reality that while I go broke repeatedly keeping the site online, some kid somewhere will think it's perfectly acceptable to spend $30 on a Phish shirt from a faceless corporation that uses third-world sweatshop labor. Then that same kid will write me an angry email where he labors under the illusion that he is some sort of White Knight of Rock Virtue, and tells me what a sorry little fucker I truly am.
Then somebody with a functioning brain writes me and tells me I'm great. HAW!
So lastly I dedicate this overblown update to all of you out there who've sent me encouraging words in the past seven years. Hell, I'll even put aside my blazing MySpace hatred for a nanosecond and thank all you users who've spread the gospel of BIUL by hotlinking it as your page's background, thereby making it unreadable. All of you are the reason I've been spending nearly every waking hour slaving on the John's Arm DVD project. Seriously, around November of last year I got the bright idea to start pulling all-nighters, consecutively, until the movie was ready. Eventually I fell asleep. I have no memory of December. Did I mention I haven't had time to do my taxes yet? Ahahahahahaaaa. I'm not joking. I'm still stuck in February. Fuckin' time-flax.
-Matty
