by Whitey Chevy 04.15.07
First of all I would like to say greetings and I hope this finds you well, my fellow Legitimate Businessmen. Recently some news has come to the attention of myself as well as the boss which we have decided to discuss with everyone.
When Mr. F and I heard about Imus getting the axe after a certain offensive epistle, we both thought the same thing. What if someone took offense at one of us in this thing of ours?
Many of our senior members are from a different era. A bygone era, when it wasn't unheard of for a mobster to be known by a colorful name like Black Like A Struck Match Parnell (currently on parole), or Filthy Jew-Face O'Herlihy (doing an easy stretch up at Kessler Pen). But we must adapt with the times, and appellations like these are no longer acceptable. Just imagine the horrified reaction of the wire-tapper fed who hears names like that. Jesus, those people go home and eat with their kids.
As such, Mr. F has asked me to kindly ask you to think about all this, and about what it means to be one of us, and honestly we all know who it is that needs to change his name anyway. He's displayed an amazing ability to not take a hint. Or several hints. So here's a great big hint for him: his initials are "P.O.N.T.I.A.C." He makes us all look like jerks when we barbeque.
Mr. F has also asked me to remind you that his nephew Paolo's birthday is coming up. Paolo is at a sort of awkward stage where he responds to women he thinks are attractive by setting fire to them. Please keep this in mind when you make your gift purchases (Larry- no candles this year PLEASE).
Also, Mr. F's daughter Fiona will be having her coming-out party this June. I must remind everyone NOT to say anything about her face or you will be shot. The doctor says it is benign, and looks a lot worse than it actually is. Do yourself a favor. In fact, just don't look at it.
That's about it until our next meeting. And, if you're reading this, Nappy-Headed Hobart McKinley, please think about calling yourself something like "Sleepy-Headed Ho". Not too bad, right?
WC
